Have you been here? Seated in an apartment, bills scattered like a puzzle. Your mind swirling with worries, grappling with how to cover it all after a rough night at the casino.
Have you battled with yourself? Repeating the mantra “Don’t call him.” Him being your dealer or maybe your ex. You’re determined to make a different choice this time, yet against your own will, you give in.
Have you found yourself in a moment, screaming at your children? Acting in anger fueled by years of exhaustion and self-neglect.
These snapshots mirror the unspoken battles many of us fight– struggles concealed, even from ourselves.
But the key to our freedom is being honest with ourselves about things we would rather not know or see. Because self honesty is the foundation from which we build change.
So, here is how to begin the journey of self honesty.
Tip 1- Self Compassion: The Essential Link to Self Honesty
Without self-compassion, self-honesty can become a form of self cruelty. Truth can be tough to swallow, especially when it’s our own reality staring back at us. That is why we do so much work to avoid it and bury it.
It’s not the truth itself we fear, but the harsh voices of judgment and criticism that come with it.
Arielle Davis
It’s not the truth itself we fear, but the harsh voices of judgment and criticism that come with it. These voices can be pretty loud. But what if, on the other side of that discomfort, there were a different kind of voice? A voice that’s curious, understanding, and kind.
That voice is compassion. And here’s the beauty – that compassionate voice? You can nurture it within yourself.
How?
Simply practice saying to yourself: “Hey, I see you’re struggling. Let’s figure this out together.”
This self-generated voice of curiosity and compassion is perhaps the most valuable gift you can offer yourself on this journey.
Tip 2- Awareness: Navigating Your Emotions
Attune Yourself to Your Feelings
Practice observing how you feel in various scenarios and with different individuals. Look for recurrent patterns. If you find that you frequently experience negativity at work or around a particular friend, your mind and body are sending you crucial signals about your experiences. The real test lies in genuinely tuning into this feedback and giving it the attention it deserves.
Scheduled Self-Reflection
For those of us who may not naturally lean toward awareness, I recommend allocating daily moments for self-reflection. There’s no need for a formal routine. Contrary to popular advice, journaling is not obligatory. It can be as effortless as lying down and reflecting on your day. Dedicate time for yourself to process your thoughts.
Capture Insights Through Documentation
While a full-fledged journal isn’t mandatory, I’ve found that some form of documentation can offer invaluable insights. Documenting helps illuminate recurring patterns. This could involve patterns associated with how certain individuals affect your emotions or a pragmatic evaluation of your progress toward your objectives.
Don’t feel pressured to rush and purchase elaborate journals or pens. Use what’s most convenient for you. The process should not be a hurdle but a tool that facilitates your journey. Personally, I employ diverse methods – a traditional paper journal, video journaling on my laptop, and sometimes both simultaneously. I record myself as I pen down my thoughts and verbalize them. Opt for the approach that resonates with you. Remember, documentation should serve as a tool, not a complication.
Tip 3- Seeking Honest Feedback from Compassionate People
Let’s talk about something often forgotten in the journey of self honesty: talking to and getting valuable feedback from people who truly care about you. They’re the ones who show kindness, compassion and support through their actions. I can vouch for this from my own experience. Seeking feedback from genuinely caring individuals is a game-changer.
But here’s the key: focus on those who are kind and compassionate. I’ve encountered friends, partners, and family members who took every opportunity to bring me down, and that’s not the kind of feedback we’re after.
That’s why I emphasize this practice AFTER the first two tips. You need to understand the dynamics of your relationships and how they affect you FIRST. If someone’s always criticizing you or making you second-guess yourself, they’re not the ones to trust for feedback. Similarly, if someone never holds you accountable, they won’t offer reliable insights either. Remember, kindness involves delivering truths with care.
Now, let me share an easy way to integrate journaling into your life – talking to a friend. Here’s an example: my best friend and I have open conversations about our lives. We spot patterns in each other’s experiences. We pinpoint where we’re stuck and push each other when needed. This is incredibly valuable.
Regular Check-ins for Enhanced Self-Honesty
While I believe in personal power, I also believe in balance. An external perspective can add a lot to your journey.
With my bestie, I check in regularly. We discuss ongoing situations like whether I’m still talking to someone not worth my time or how I’m handling work. These conversations set goals without us realizing it. We might mention wanting to lose weight or improve relationships. These become reference points. This practice boosts self honesty. If I have to lie to my best friend, it’s a sign I’ve been lying to myself.
So, don’t overlook the power of feedback from those who care. Talk to a friend for easy journaling. These conversations provide an outside view that complements your inner journey. Goals set without thinking during chats enhance self honesty.
Tip 4- Ask Yourself Challenging Questions
A powerful practice is asking yourself tough questions. Such as introspective and self-reflective questions. It’s a major key to self honesty. Just start with a simple question: “How am I doing?” and answer it honestly. This can shift things in a big way. Get real about your feelings – do it every single day.
If you want to go deeper, here’s a list of challenging questions to get you going. Remember, the only rule is to be completely honest. Take a moment to pause, reflect on how you truly feel, and then answer.
Here are three questions to prompt candid self-reflection:
1. What Am I Avoiding Facing?
Confront what you’ve been avoiding thinking about or dealing with. This can expose underlying emotions or issues you need to address.
2. Are My Actions Matching My Goals?
Check if your actions match what you aim for. This question makes you honestly assess if you’re living in line with your intentions.
3. Am I Avoiding Uncomfortable Truths?
Face any truths you’re dodging. This question pushes you to explore aspects you might be overlooking.
Remember, this journey hinges on being truthful. Take a moment, ponder, and respond sincerely. Your answers fuel self-discovery, growth, and transformation.
Tip 5- Get Clear on Your Values
Understanding your core values is a cornerstone of self honesty. They serve as your inner compass, constantly directing you back to your authentic self. Consider them as the guiding light that brings you back to your center, no matter how far you’ve drifted.
Think about it – if you’re unaware of where your starting point is, how can you measure your distance from it? Your values provide that crucial reference point. They’re the foundation for assessing whether you’re genuinely aligned with what truly matters to you.
Picture them as your personal truth checkpoints, helping you navigate life’s choices while staying loyal to what holds significance in your journey.
Remember Your Freedom Is Buried Underneath The Discomfort
Being honest with ourselves can be tough, but it sets us free. We have to deal with truths we’d rather avoid. But this confrontation with truth is the starting point for change. It helps us uncover hidden struggles, leading to big shifts. Being self honest means understanding our feelings, asking tough questions, getting kind feedback, and knowing what matters to us. This fuels growth and positive change, guiding us toward authenticity and empowerment on our self-discovery journey.
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